Grief Camp: Young Hearts Find Hope

“It smells like my Pappa,” says eight-year-old Charlotte as she lifts her newly stuffed memory bear to her nose. Three days earlier Charlote arrived with her little sister, both carrying sweatshirts worn by their grandpa who had died. By the end of our time together they had turned the sweatshirts into memory bears. Each child worked one-on-one with a sewer who guided them through the entire project from cutting the pattern through sewing, stuffing, stitching and then adding button details for eyes. To complete the project the bears were stuffed with tiny fabric hearts and blessed by the prayers and gentle kisses of the children. The creation of these memory bears was one facet of a very full three mornings of grief support day camp offered by Trinity Lutheran Church in Owatonna, Minnesota. 

Loss is an inevitable fact of life and so is its companion, grief. While loss is a shared human experience that has endured through millennia, grief remains one of the most difficult things to experience and discuss. Grieving can be a lonely, confusing and overwhelming experience, especially for children who are still developing and learning about the world and their place in it. Like adults, children express grief and loss in a variety of ways, and they need to know that it is okay to talk about pain and loss. As caretakers, we can’t protect our children from the pain of loss, but we can help them feel safe. By allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, we can help our children build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future. 

We had 11 children and 11 volunteers, a ratio which truly allowed for some special attention for each child, and the therapy dogs were a hit. The children especially loved when the dogs would lie in the middle of the circle during a story or would wander the room seeking out those little ones who needed a little extra encouragement. The dogs also provided a nice icebreaker for those who were a little shy. 

Recognizing a lack of grief support for children in our community, my colleague and I developed a grief support camp for children ages 5 to 10 years old. Through music, stories, activities and a memory bear project we aimed to provide these amazing children with a fun and comfortable place to process their emotions and feel understood, as well as learn some tools to help cope with the pain of loss while inspiring joy, a sense of belonging and hope that comes from our faith. This was not intended to be therapy (it couldn’t be because we are not therapists) or an all-in-one solution; our hope was to serve as an energizing steppingstone for those on the grief journey and to support them along the way. We brought on volunteers from our community who had experience with working with children and who themselves had grief stories. Finding volunteers turned out to be an easy process. People were eager for this opportunity. Many had participated in grief support groups themselves and knew the value. We also included two certified therapy dogs who came with one of the volunteers who uses them in other grief work in our community. Given that this was the first time we had ever done anything like this, we did not know what to fully expect. We trained our volunteers, we prepped, and then we left the rest to the Holy Spirit. What unfolded was a really special three days. 

We began each day with a large group activity. This included an icebreaker, some form of movement activity to wake up the body and a story to wake up the mind. After this we divided into two rotations. One rotation included crafts and sewing (this is where they worked on their memory bears); the second rotation concentrated on our focus for the day, paying special attention to social-emotional aspects and also incorporating music and movement. We completed each morning with a group wrap-up and a special blessing on the last day. The first day was entitled “Getting to Know Grief;” the second day was “Getting to Know Your Emotions;” and the third day was “Getting to Know Your Tools.” As we moved through rotations each day the children would add to their toolbox items that they would be able to use when coping with loss and navigating hard feelings. The toolbox included items such as tissue, reminding them that it is okay to cry; a journal and pen for doodling and writing whatever their heart desires; there was play dough and Pop It! fidgets for manipulation; bubbles that encouraged practice of some breathing techniques we learned; and coping cards. The coping cards are small cards with simple words and pictures prompting different coping strategies—for example, breathing exercises and muscle relaxation or ideas for processing different emotions through physical movement or art. 

The curriculum was designed to engage the senses, inspire creativity and imagination, incorporate movement and create space for stories to unfold organically. We never wanted to put any child on the spot to tell their grief story. Instead, as a child was sewing they would share the significance of the fabric which was attached to a memory of an individual who had died in their life. As a child was playing the gratitude game they would share special moments that they shared with someone who is gone whether from death or from moving away. Hard feelings were expressed and normalized as they filled their “mixed emotion” jars and then compared them with each other, seeing that everyone has jars of mixed emotions. They were able to explore grief in creative ways and realize that grief can also happen when there isn’t a death. Grief was normalized, and the children were reminded that they were not alone. By the third day kids who were strangers at the beginning were friends and were connecting over shared activities and even sharing their favorite ways to express their feelings. Conversations about faith also felt natural. The children would give their own understanding of heaven and would share how they continued to feel connected to those they love who had died. Together we could assure one another that God’s promises are real and that they are never alone. Finally, they were empowered to create their own plans for hard days using the tools they had been practicing with and adding to their toolboxes. 

The growth we saw in the children was beautiful. An added unplanned benefit was the growth we saw in our volunteers. I don’t think our grown-ups were prepared for the ways that these three days would change them as well. It is so beautiful when the pain and grief in one person sees and recognizes the pain and grief in another person and then together those two kindred souls work on a project and create something new together. That is the stuff of the Holy Spirit. 

In our last moments together we shared a final blessing where everyone got to go up to another, look them in the eyes and tell them they are not alone. Hugs were shared, and goodbyes were said. I pray that each child left with some healing in their grieving hearts and that they are now a little more equipped for some of the hard parts of life. God is good. All the time. The spirit was present and active during these three days, and we are grateful. 

Amanda Floy is associate pastor at Trinity Lutheran Church in Owatonna, Minnesota. 

^{* To protect the privacy of the children, we used stock images in this article.}